As I stare into the face of this semester, I am filled with anxiety and despair. Where will I end up? How will I get through? These questions cloud my mind, filling me with doubt and insecurity. They distract me from the truth. The truth that God is in control. The truth that whatever comes, God will hold me in the palm of His hand. The truth that no matter what, God loves me so much and He will never leave me. This truth pounds on the doorway of my heart, threatening to shatter my blanket of comfortable doubt and fear. It challenges me to let go and give my whole being over to God. Why does this scare me so much? I've been vulnerable before, but this is too much.
I look at the upcoming months and I see two very different paths. On one hand, I see a busy, fruitful schedule, full of deadlines and relationships. The other looks dark, like unfamiliar territory. Getting a job again, working in the real world, being far away from the comfortable group at school. I don't know which will be the right one. I know that whichever one God leads me toward will end up being the best choice. But my humanity will scream and grieve for the loss of one.
I need to let go. I need to be free. Jesus, take this burden from me. Let me see clearly what you would have for me. If my work is done at school, make it known to me. If I need to do more, God open the door. Let me feel peace about whichever path opens up to me. Give me faith. Lord, I have never had faith that would move a mountain. I have never fully trusted in you. The life you have given me has only been to show me that you are Lord, you are in control, you alone know what is best. God let me realize that. Let me soak it in. I breathe in your control. I see your hand in my life. I feel you touching my heart, tugging it back to you. Take it God. Take my spirit. Let me honor you. Fill me with a yearning to know you more. Whatever happens Lord, I trust that you will provide. Give me the faith to trust in your will.
Let me not grieve for the loss of circumstance, yet let me be joyful in another opportunity to do your will. Show me that I can serve you wherever you lead me. God you are powerful and resolute. May your will be done. Come what may. You will what you will.
Give me the faith in Your power.
I love you.
