Wednesday, December 14, 2011

onward

Posting. typing. looking. hearing. seeing. smelling. trying. impossible. swallowing. frustrating. thinking. nothing. wondering. exciting. breathing. wiping. crunching. munching. punching. lunging. amazing. pacing. waiting. anticipating. goodbying. sitting. steering. driving. walking. travelling. home.

breaking. holidaying. making. baking. loving. smiling. laughing. FUN.

the journey home.

Almost There

Two more finals stand in the way of the end of the semester. Cleaning, packing, smiling, crying, hugging, laughing, farewelling stand in the way of me leaving, driving, arriving home.

I stand amazed at how time flies. I know it does. I've been told numerous times throughout my childhood that time flies. People tell us to take advantage of the opportunities we have because if we hesitate they will be long gone. How is it that we live in this world where we constantly remind each other of every second we lose and live in every moment with regret? We live like there is no tomorrow. It makes sense on one hand because we have short lives. It's just weird that the places and events that consume us day-to-day seem like they never end. But now, here I am again, and its the end of another span of time. Looking back at the semester I realize how much I missed.

The holidays are fast approaching, even here now. Every single year the holidays make us rethink the time past and missed as it should. And still we never learn. How ironic. I could slap humanity sometimes. I could slap myself. Learn. Freakin Learn. Absorb something. Do something. Believe in something. Live it out. Just. Freakin. Do. It. What else is there? What else do you have to be doing? What matters? Life matters. Family matters. Friends matter. God matters. Live. Live. Just live. Are you listening? Just live.

We are constantly almost there. Life could end. Right now. We are constantly on the edge. On the edge of "almost there." Live life right.

Just do it.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Back to December

The Full Cold Moon; or the Full Long Nights Moon – December During this month the winter cold fastens its grip, and nights are at their longest and darkest. It is also sometimes called the Moon before Yule. The term Long Night Moon is a doubly appropriate name because the midwinter night is indeed long, and because the Moon is above the horizon for a long time. The midwinter full Moon has a high trajectory across the sky because it is opposite a low Sun.

I'm so glad you made time to see me.
How's life? Tell me how's your family.
I haven't seen them in a while.
You've been good, busier than ever,
We small talk, work and the weather,
Your guard is up and I know why.
Because the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind.
You gave me roses and I left them there to die.

So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night,"
And I go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you.
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.
I go back to December all the time.

These days I haven't been sleeping,
Staying up, playing back myself leavin'.
When your birthday passed and I didn't call.
And I think about summer, all the beautiful times,
I watched you laughing from the passenger side.
Realized that I loved you in the fall.

And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was "Goodbye".

So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night."
And I go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time.

I miss your tanned skin, your sweet smile,
So good to me, so right
And how you held me in your arms that September night --
The first time you ever saw me cry.

Maybe this is wishful thinking,
Probably mindless dreaming,
But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right.

I'd go back in time and change it but I can't.
So if the chain is on your door I understand.

But this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night."
And I go back to December...
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing I'd realize what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind

I go back to December all the time.
All the time. 

December is the 12th and last month of the year in the Julian and Gregorian Calendars and one of seven months with the length of 31 days. December starts on the same day as September every year and ends on the same day as April every year.

http://decemberists.com/ 

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Beaver Moon

Last night there was a meteor that passed right in front of the moon.

Tomorrow is the Beaver Moon. November's Full Moon.

It is incredible to be reminded of the small things in life.

How beautiful the moon looks:  a silvery orb floating in the pitch black sky. How amazing is it that it lights up the entire earth. One abandoned rock reflects the light of the sun.

What a beautiful picture that is. How we reflect His glory. We are small and insignificant. But we reflect His majesty and light up the world in our own way.

Good reminder to keep an eye out for the seemingly insignificant.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Day of Prayer

Lamentations 1:20-22; 2:11; 3:19-25, 31, 33-41, 48-51, 55-58; 4:19-22

"See, O Lord for I am in distress;
My spirit is greatly troubled;
My heart is overturned within me,
For I have been very rebellious,
In the street the sword slays;
In the house it is like death.
They have heard that I groan;
There is no one to comfort me;
All my enemies have heard of my calamity;
They are glad that You have done it.
Oh, that You would bring the day which you have proclaimed,
That they may become like me.
Let all their wickedness come before You;
And deal with them as You have dealt with me
For all my transgressions;
For my groans are many and my heart is faint."

My eyes fail because of tears,
My spirit is greatly troubled;
My heart is poured out on the earth
Because of the destruction of the daughter of my people.
When little ones and infants faint
In the streets of the city.

Remember my affliction and my
wandering, the wormwood and bitterness.
Surely my soul remembers
And is bowed down within me.
This I recall to my mind,
Therefore I have hope.
The Lord's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease.
For His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
"The Lord is my portion," says my soul,
"Therefore I have hope in Him."
The Lord is good to those who wait for Him.
To the person who seeks Him.

For the Lord will not reject forever.

For he does not afflict willingly
Or grieve the sons of men.
To crush under His feet
All the prisoners of the land.
To deprive a man of justice
In the presence of the Most High.
To defraud a man in his lawsuit--
Of these things the Lord does not approve.
Who is there who speaks and it comes to pass,
Unless the Lord has commanded it?
Is it not from the mouth of the Most High
That both good and ill go forth?
Why should any living mortal or any man,
Offer complaint in view of his sins?
Let us examine and probe our ways.
And let us return to the Lord.
We lift up our heart and hands
Toward God in heaven.

My eyes run down with streams of water
Because of the destruction of the daughter of my people.
My eyes pour down unceasingly, without stopping,
Until the Lord looks down and sees from heaven.
My eyes bring pain to my soul
Because of all the daughters of my city.

I called on Your name, O Lord,
Out of the lowest pit.
You have heard my voice,
"Do not hid Your ear from my prayer for relief.
For my cry for help."
You drew near when I called on You.
You said, "Do not fear!"
O Lord, You have pleaded my soul's cause;
You have redeemed my life.

You, O Lord rule forever;
Your throne is from generation to generation.
Why do You forget us forever?
Why do You forsake us so long?
Restore us to You, O Lord, that we may be restored;
Renew our days as of old,
Unless You have utterly rejected us
And are exceedingly angry with us.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Lists!

So, now that I'm done ranting... :)

I've decided that since things are getting slumpish then things need to change. So here's what's going to happen. I'm going to just make random lists of things. Some may be accomplished, some not. The point is to actually brainstorm and have creative options. There is no reason that things should ever be bored.

RA List (floor ideas)
Cut out fall leaves for wall
Get 3m tape
One-on-one meals/times
Prayer bracelets/partners
Photo shoot in the woods
Ice Skating (Jan/Feb)
Dress up Dinner (Nov/Dec)/Possibly w/other floor
Write encouraging notes
Secret Santa
Thankful board
Random Acts of kindness

Staff Lists
Go to meals/hangout more
Write encouraging notes
Do something nice for them


Stuff to do LIST
Go to Boston more
Go explore Salem
Craft more things
SAVE $

Craft Lists/Stuff to make
mittens
scarves
socks
leg warmers
fingerless gloves
headbands
flower clips
infinity scarves
slippers
tea cozy
hats
dishcloths

I Break, I Borrow

Is it November already? Shocking!

Well I can hardly believe that there is only about another month until the end of this semester. Believe me I will be happy to see the end of it. Classes are incredibly challenging at the moment. All the things I have on my plate are weighing me down. But life goes on. It is just one more thing to attempt to organize or compartmentalize. Gotta love this character-building stuff.

Went on a little road trip this last weekend with some friends. Got some crazy snow! It was amazing to escape from the responsibilities of everyday life. The mountainous farm scene was the perfect place to go. It almost felt like a holiday. Being in between three mountains with cows grazing beside a raspberry patch was delightful. I even picked eggs for the first time. I obviously don't know the correct terminology but it was fun kicking the chickens out of the way to pick their fresh-laid eggs! Plus home cooking is always great!

Coming back has been difficult in the fact that I feel like I have a hangover. Driving was a chore and I think I'm just tired from life. Have you ever been just plain exhausted from living? Sometimes the mundane can cause you to lose focus. It seems so ironic that the everyday practices that are second-nature to use should make us lose sight of the big picture. These everyday rituals bring disappointment and dissatisfaction. Why is it that when we are so blessed we can't see it? It is unfortunate that we fall into a slump. Some business siphons off and we realize we were always empty. The fast-paced lifestyle didn't fill any void. It never will. You know what can fill it. So why don't you reconnect?

Re-engage.
      Surrender.
            Confess.
                  Be real.
                         Fall. Back. In. Love.
                                With Him.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

A Journey to the Past

Yesterday at 12:30 began my fall break for school. I packed up some things and drove home yesterday. It was a gorgeous drive home getting a glimpse at newly changing trees. Fall is just beginning and the bright yellows, oranges, and reds were brilliant against the cold cloudy sky. It was fantastic to drive past towering rock faces as it began to rain. The rest of the drive home was rainy, but full of adventure as I took an extremely hilly road home. But it is nice to be back.

I came in the house last night to the familiar homey smells. And of course my mom was baking a scrumptious strawberry jam bread that made the whole house smell wonderful. But I hardly had a moment to fully process it as my dog sprang from her perch and bounded towards me tail-wagging and tongue ready to lick me into oblivion. It was a perfect welcome as I was simultaneously (lovingly) attacked by my dog and hugged by my mom. The rest of the night was spent relaying stories from school to my parents. It felt so good to just sit down to hangout with my dad!

Today I woke up late and went apple picking with my mom and my sister! It was a fun car ride as we weaved through the countryside laughing hysterically at silly things we said. Came back home to run some errands with my sister. Then I started a new knitting project (more like an experiment that will probably not turn into much) based on something I saw a girl knit at school. It could potentially be a sock or a leg warmer. We'll see. :) Made tuna melts tonight for dinner--YUM. Just watched My Best Friend's Girl with my sister. Gotta love Dane Cook! :)

I can hardly believe another day is over. It has been pouring rain and thundering for the last couple hours. Lightning has lit up my room as I type here in the dark. It is definitely October. Even though the weather wars with itself outside it is so warm and cozy in my room. I look around my room, at the walls, at my desk, at my closet. So many things on the wall reflect how I viewed life three or four years ago. It is definitely time for a change. My life has progressed since high school and my walls should reflect that. I still have a couple days left of break and though it will go quickly I want to spend some time making things to re-decorate my room. I have so many ideas that cannot become anything at school because I have no space to work or any resources to work with. My creations at school are limited. Here, at home, I can do anything.

It feels good to be home, even for a little while. Though I see ghosts of the past around me, it is time to transition into the future. I am excited to make new things. I am excited to spend time with my family. I am excited to see old friends, to reconnect, and to build upon what relationships we already have. This is a great time of the year: a time of transition. The holidays are coming. It is a good time to be thinking about family and friends. Sometimes a journey to the past can be a transition to the future.

Monday, October 10, 2011

Carpe Diem

I woke up this morning to my alarm obnoxiously beeping in my ear. As I rolled over to shut it off the typical Monday morning debate commenced inside my head. My brain attempted to convince me to ignore the fact that I had class in 20 minutes and to go back to sleep. So began another day in the life of a student.

Today is an experience day for visiting perspective students. It is strangely warm for an October day. The sky is perfectly blue without a cloud or contrail in it. The grass is green and soft on the Quad. I look out my window and see our nation's flag waving proudly. Students are walking to and fro on the sidewalks and through grass. I see people laying out their blankets and opening their laptops to study in the glorious sun. Someone is singing terribly out the window a couple floors down from me. And then there is a grounds worker cutting the grass. It seems as though they are always cutting the grass! I mean I know grass grows depending on the amount of rain we've had. And of course they have to keep it looking nice for visitors, but how many times does the grass really need to be cut?!

But as I look out my window and see students who don't have class wander around and go about there day, I am struck by the mundane routines we establish for ourselves. What excitement will be left to share if we never seize the day?

So here's the thing. I have a midterm tomorrow and two papers due Wednesday. But this day is too beautiful to waste on studying inside. Yes, I could study outside, but that would be self-defeating. I am going to take a study break and go frolic through the woods or jump in the pond! Who's with me? Seize this day! Because it will never come back. Once time is gone, it is gone. Do something spontaneous: go hug a stranger! go on an adventure! get your adrenaline pumping!

Don't get caught up in the boring routine of life. Life is for living! Seize this day! Live your life.
Down.
Set.
Go!

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Day 7,401 of My Life

I am finally starting a blog, which might be long overdue. However, now that I'm here, I feel pressure to have an epic first blog. I can't promise anything epic, but I can promise a little bit of me, just being me. So, here I go...taking the PLUNGE!!!

This is day 7401 of my short life, and as always its been full of interesting, quirky, and boring things. As a college student living from paycheck to paycheck, I am learning to be thankful for the little things in life. There is so much to be utilized in life and college is the perfect place to make insignificant things into spectacular works of art. I am not an art major and would probably never make it in the competitive art realm, but I enjoy everything about art. I love to draw, paint, knit, sew, and craft in any way possible. I love taking things in the trash and making them into wall decorations (or even re-gifting them, after extensive refurbishment of course :P). Recently I've become obsessed with pinterest.com and finding creative outlets there! I highly recommend it, but be forewarned: it's so much more than addicting. :)

Anyways, I am a big knitter and crocheter. I love making hats, scarves, gloves, mittens, socks, slippers...pretty much anything. I like to make up my own patterns and see where it gets me. But it is fun to teach people and also learn from what other people do. I am going to try to sell some of my work, so I will post pictures of some things that I've done. This year my project will be to make my first sweater dress. Hopefully I'll have it done for winter! :)

I should also warn you that I am a history nerd. I love history and the stories of people. It fascinates me how history repeats itself. But, we all come from somewhere, and how can we move forward if we don't understand where we've been? So I am studying history in college. I hope to finish and get into museum studies or even archaeology. We shall see. There is lots of time...and yet so little.

There are so many things to say, but evil calls in the form of college papers. Until my next post.